This is something i discovered in the drafts section of my posts. Its from an email i sent almost a year ago. Like alot of issues there is always a solution, often a compromise - but it's important to remember what the struggle was actually about.
And i do, still, want to remember this "grapple", if i may.
So here goes:
Sent a text to mom dad saying it felt strange.
Here's why.
I have long been obsessed and upset with the idea of growing up. of being an adult.
In very simple terms, I HATE IT (still do).
When i got the cheque in my hands - the whole 'being paid for your work' process began sinking in. Stay with me, i'm not slow. I may be over-analytical, but not slow.
This is probably why everyone is not completely and totally happy. Money ruins everything. The dirty, strange feeling of being paid for what i have done.
In my mind, in my heart - the work i am doing is no longer a labour of pure love & learning. Now its give and take. Cut and dry.
I want a world that doesn't run on and for money - but for what it wants, for what it really RELISHES doing.
I know it doesn't work that way. and that's what kills me.
Hurts this wonderful part of me that everyone calls 'kid' - that is already being diminished by the adult world.
All those things that people say that make you want to be an adult when your a child.
ALL LIES!
Adults are good at advertising. THAT is the problem.
Somehow, its like everyone really loses perspective of what is REALLY important.
I know i'm blabbering about a world that i want and which can never be but i just cant help asking why.
